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World confused as man everyone saw inciting insurrection now saying he didn't incite insurrection

By Kit Chentable

“We must have all collectively dreamt something happened when it didn’t happen,” said the world this morning after Donald Trump once again denied that he did something that the whole world saw him do.

“I don’t know. Maybe, collectively, all of us, the world’s population just thought something happened because they saw it with their own eyes but were hungover or something so the person that they saw doing that thing didn’t actually do that thing.”

Former President Donald Trump is claiming that what everyone saw happen and what everyone saw him do or heard him say, was just the world making things up in its own head as none of the things the world saw him do or say didn’t actually happen now that we’re talking about it 18 months later.

He said: “If the entire global population says they saw me doing something or saying something like ‘Fight Like Hell’, they must have got it all wrong as I never did or said any of those things.

“I’m not accusing the entire world population of lying but just misremembering everything they saw happen and everything they saw me do or heard me say as I said nor did any of those things and there are things that definitely didn’t happen.

“Maybe the world’s population had been going through a particularly bad break-up or something and wasn’t paying enough attention as they were all hungover so they are now claiming they saw me do or say something and was an instigator of an event that didn’t actually happen.

“It’s just a witch hunt and any video footage of me doing or saying anything about an event that didn’t happen has obviously been doctored by the fake news media even though most it went out live as I didn’t say or do anything and was just watching reruns of Golden Girls whilst the thing that allegedly happened, but didn’t happen, was taking place.”

The senate inquiry into the events of 6 January 2021 continues.