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Vampires to strike on Hallowe'en, trade union confirms

By Kit Chentable

Vampires are set to strike this Hallowe’en, trade unions have confirmed.

The UK Association of Bloodsuckers, Werebeasts and Undead (UKABWU) took a vote at its Annual General Meeting last night after a lengthy discussion between its members.

The vote, which took place between the main course and dessert, just after its annual ceremonial sacrifice, was a close call with strike action only just agreed upon by a slim majority of its members.

UKABWU spokesman Bram Van Shelley said: “The vote was called because vampires up and down the country have had enough and are now calling for Equal Rites.

“For too long our members have been the subject of prejudice by employers because of their inability to work in daylight and their penchant for sucking the blood of other workers.

“We believe that it is everybody’s inalienable right to live without fear of prejudice because of their beliefs whether it be a religious belief or a belief that biting the neck of fair virgin maidens at the stroke of midnight during a full moon is something they have a bloodlust to do.

“Hopefully with all the vampires striking at Hallowe’en, it’ll finally make people sit up and listen.”

The meeting also saw the expulsion of several stakeholders from the union.

Mr Van Shelley said: “Upon reflection, if I actually had a reflection, having other members going around holding stakes was never really a good idea in a room that is half full of vampires, so we had no choice to chuck them out from the union.

“We also had to give the entire catering staff the sack, after they put garlic in the Chicken Parmentier, which definitely didn’t go down too well with our coterie of neck-biters. Well, when I say gave them the sack, I mean we actually put them in a sack and then fed them to the various werewolves that had bothered to turn up.”