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Urine-powered hydro-electric generator to be placed downstream from Thatcher statue

By Leppy Pardalis

Engineers say a river of piss which has mysteriously appeared in the Lincolnshire town of Grantham could eventually power several thousand local homes and businesses.

The river, which includes perilous, foaming rapids where it passes down some of the town’s steeper inclines, has been traced to an enormous statue of late Grantham-born Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, which was recently unveiled.

The question of why the statue is apparently the source of the enormous river of piss has yet to be ascertained for certain. Data is currently scarce, but the spectacular, raging cataract of wee was first noticed shortly after coach parties began appearing from all over the country, apparently to visit the statue and pay tribute to the late Tory politician. Some even brought symbolic food offerings, mostly in the form of fresh eggs.

A member of the local council’s engineering department said: “This is an unprecedented cascade of piss - absolutely unprecedented. By our calculations, the pressure per square inch even a couple of hundred yards downstream is enough to drive a huge turbine or possibly a series of them.

“These could then be used in turn to drive generators producing enough electricity to power thousands of homes, shops, factories and schools, even in the depths of winter.

“Utilising the river of piss emanating from the vicinity of the statue in this way would be a fairly straightforward matter. Having said that, finding a use for the growing lake of phlegm up there is proving to be more of a challenge.”