By Leppy Pardalis
“We can only apologise for this vanishingly rare error of judgement,” said Conservative Central Office after it was revealed that the party inadvertently told the truth due to a clerical error.
“We have never told the truth before and we shall never tell the truth again, and we hope this will reassure our members, friends, cronies and donors that we had no intention whatsoever of telling the truth in this unfortunate instance.”
Members, friends, donors and cronies of the party were outraged when a former Tory candidate, who had campaigned alongside Boris Johnson, was revealed as the contact of a firm given a fabulously lucrative Government PPE contract.
The deal was signed in July, but when information about it was finally published some seven months later all the names had been carefully blacked out.
However, the name of the contact was revealed in another document evidently missed by whoever was supposed to ensure the identities of key players remained shrouded in secrecy.
Conservative Central Office added in its statement: “We are currently trying to find out how the truth came to be told about a loyal Tory’s involvement in this business deal involving tax money chiselled from every ordinary man and woman in the country on pain of imprisonment.
“Naturally, we had absolutely no intention of telling the truth, any more than we ever had any intention of telling the truth about any of the other deals which have seen certain well-connected companies wallowing about in public money like monstrous hippos.”