By Dawn Ob
1. They’re always shit.
2. At no point has a clickbait list been truly insightful and left you feeling fulfilled. They’re the premature ejaculation of social media. Always an anti-climax.
3. I mean, why the fuck did you click on this one? Was it because of the happy man in the picture. We hope not. He’s an arsehole.
4. What were you hoping for?
5. Yes. We know you’re bored and that’s why you clicked. Bet you feel a bit silly now?
6. You could be doing literally anything else.
7. We know this is your life and you can waste your time however you want but, come on, is your life that shit that clicking on this list is actually enough of a distraction to really do anything but waste five minutes of your precious time on something that is essentially internet advertising crack? Have you found lately that your life is so vapid that any distraction, even a fucking clickbait list, is simply an escape from a reality that you detest with every second that passes. Just think, during the time that you have been reading this fucking clickbait list, another 1,250 babies have been born globally. That’s another 1,250 babies born into a reality where someone thought it was a good idea to create these fucking clickbait lists. Doesn’t it make you think that your life would be more worthwhile doing literally anything else than scrolling through social media and clicking on a clickbait list to pass the time? Is your life worth so little? During the same five minutes 600 people have died, probably pleased to get off this rock we call a planet where people spend more time clicking on fucking clickbait lists than actually trying to make the world a better place. As you’ve been sat here reading this fucking clickbait list there are people out there in real life and death situations. People are actually living. Not reading a fucking clickbait list. Makes you fucking think how insignificant your life is that you would rather waste your time reading this than doing something that might be actually useful for your own wellbeing or for anyone else. Makes you fucking think doesn’t it?
8. Urm, we’ve run out of things to fill this list with now.
9. But we’ll just front it out and hope you don’t notice.
10. Well that was worthwhile wasn’t it? Bet you feel better about yourself now!