By Leppy Pardalis
“We may not be the cleverest creatures on the planet, but at least we have the excuse of being sheep,” said Mr Cyril The Sheep in the Bedfordshire field he shares with several dozen other members of his species earlier today.
“That’s why we’re so thoroughly pissed off at the stupidest members of the human race denying the existence of covid, claiming it’s all a big conspiracy and calling anybody who disagrees with them Sheeple.
“It’s also why we’re planning on calling the thickest sheep in the flock covid-deniers as a general term of abuse and derision.”
Mr The Sheep said it was especially galling to have the term ‘Sheeple’ bandied about by human beings whose IQs are lower than those of even the less cerebrally-blessed among his kind.
“Take my mate Colin, for example. Even by ruminant standards he’s not what you’d call an intellectual titan. Put it this way - when he gets to the abattoir, the bloke with the captive bolt gun is going to have to have a bloody lucky aim if he plans on hitting Colin’s grey matter first go.
“Anyway, the other day we found a mobile phone a hiker had dropped, and we managed to find a Scrabble app because we were a bit bored. Colin was playing against a covid-denying conspiracy theorist from Warrington, and Colin thrashed him. Well, he was thrashing him until he inadvertently crapped on the phone, anyway.
“Still, even Colin isn’t stupid enough to be called a covid-denier. Come to think of it, none of us are. Not even Darren who nearly died of thirst in a blizzard because he didn’t realise snow was water.”