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Scientist to find cure for procrastination just as soon as she finishes alphabetising her CD collection

By Terry Aki

A scientist at the Institution for Really Important Stuff, based in Limoges France, is only a few tests and trials away from finding a cure for procrastination.

Professor Emmanuelle Bardot, 27, has announced that she is really close to a breakthrough but she just has to finish alphabetising her CD collection first.

She said: “Right, where was I. Sorry I was busy sorting out the cupboard under the stairs as it had got in a terrible mess. Yes. That’s right. I’m right on the edge of discovering a cure for procrastination.

“Hang on a second, I’m sure I just heard someone at the door. Erm. No. False alarm. It was just a man walking his dog on the path next to my house. One second. I just need to check something.

“Phew. I didn’t leave the oven on. Anyway, as I was saying, I’m only a few trials and tests away from discovering that all-important breakthrough of a cure for procrastination.

“Where was I? Sorry. My mind went blank just then. I just had a friend text me her latest Wordle result. Wow. She got it in three. Give me a few minutes.”

Professor Bardot has been studying the phenomemon of procrastination for two years now although most of that time was spent organising the lab to just the way she liked it.

“Right. I’m back in the room,” She continued. “I managed to get today’s Wordle in just two so give me a second whilst I just text my friend back to call her a thickie!

“Anyway, procrastination is actually a modern condition that has been brought about by the myriad of distractions that we face in modern life. Did you just hear that noise? It sounded like a helicopter. One second, whilst I just take a look.

“Back to it. My studies over the last couple of years will conclusively show the reasons behind the condition of procrastination and if my theories are correct I should be able to come up with a comprehensive conclusion or cure, if you would like to call it that.

“I’m so close to revealing my findings but I just have a couple more trials and tests to carry out just as soon as I get around to them.

“I’ll get to it soon, I’m sure. I’ve just got to alphabetise my CD collection first. And then maybe I might have to do a bit of weeding in the garden. Totally necessary you understand. After that I just have one or two episodes to watch to complete my fourth watch-through of the Sopranos. Then I’m sure I’ll get to it.

“You can’t rush genius.”