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PM’s randy and unkempt pet allegedly proves dogs are like owners

By Helen Hamstring

Astonished dog experts find Boris Johnson and Dilyn the scruffy, leg-humping dog, may prove the old claim that pets resemble their owners.

Oxford dog behaviour expert Donna Bone, 48, said: “There is no doubt about the mirroring that is going on between dog and owner here.

“I mean firstly there’s the obvious physical appearance - the scruffy blonde fuzz. Both Boris and his pooch look like they need a serious groom.

“Then there is the relentless humping – we all know Boris has had three wives and has about seven children. Dilyn the Jack Russell with his constant leg-humping, seems to be as voracious as the prime minister. In layman’s terms… they both seem to have done their fair share of shagging about.”

Jerry Slots, 61, who often visits the same local pub as Mr Johnson, offered further confirmation of the comparison between Johnson and Dilyn.

He said: “You should see how Boris gets his pints down him after a hard day at the office. He skips the glass, asks the barmaid to fill a bowl for him, and goes at it! Raw animal instinct.”

An anonymous source also contacted the News Elephant reporting that they have seen Carrie Johnson using a dog lead on Boris on multiple occasions. This is thought to be for ‘training purposes’ only.

Dog expert, Donna Bone expressed her thoughts on using canine training techniques for humans.

She said: “I think in Boris’ case, some dog training techniques would prove effective. Most humans would not appreciate being sprayed with a hose or water pistol when they are displaying poor behaviour.

“The investment in a clicker could also prove useful when the Prime Minster is addressing members of the public. If one of his aides are always on hand with the tool, they can simply use clicks to signify when Boris should stop what he is about to say. Comments getting borderline racist? That’s a click. About to make an inappropriate sexist joke? That’s a click. Edging into homophobic territory? That’s another click.

“In the interest of doing something good for my country, I would like to personally offer my dog training services to Mr Johnson and his team – oh and to Dilyn of course.”

  • PM’s randy and unkempt pet allegedly proves dogs are like owners