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Every sprout-loving human to be fitted with catalytic converter by 2030 to cut methane emissions

Nature

Optimistic people with no horticultural ability whatsoever throng garden centres to choose plants for next year's compost heap

Nature

Abusive online twats advised to take a nice long walk in the Mourne mountains during English Football’s social media boycott next weekend

Nature

“Targets are great! You can set them for anything,” Boris to tell US Climate Summit

Nature

Sea Life threatened by enormous oil slick after David Cameron goes for a swim

Nature

"Oh, great," says rhinoceros as zoo reopens to gawping hordes

Nature

Three-Eyed fish on supermarket shelves within five years following Fukushima dumping masterstroke

Nature

Covid Bat to go on trial next week, prosecutors confirm

Nature

New species of shrimp sent to detention centre after stowing away aboard rock bound for Britain

Nature

Australia warned to be on the lookout for giant lambs with flaming swords following recent Biblical plagues of disease, fires, mice and floods

Nature

Canaries up in arms after cancellation of coal mine plans

Nature

Face-planting Royal Albatross to be put in charge of Palace's Response to interview

Nature

Texan conspiracy theorists turn to literal burning of snowflakes to prove recent blizzards are Bill Gates' fault

Nature

Shrubbery denies Triffids-style takeover plot as people who saw meteors report vision problems

Nature

Texan climate change denier refuses to acknowledge it's a bit nippy out as frostbite sets in

Nature

Downing Street's Larry The Cat fires publicist after Dilyn The Dog's taxpayer-funded snow frolic photoshoot

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