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Matt Hancock wanted to deprive poor children of vitamins because he just wasn't feeling nasty enough that day

By Leppy Pardalis

Health Secretary Matt Hancock and his officials tried to deny a vulnerable child weekly vitamin vouchers because Mr Hancock simply didn’t feel he was being horrible enough on the day in question, a Government insider has revealed.

Mr Hancock recently backed down from the stance against providing milk and vitamin vouchers for children whose parents have yet to achieve fully settled resident status in the UK.

A woman living well below the poverty threshold took Mr Hancock’s department to court after being told she couldn’t have the vouchers for her child because of her non-permanent immigration status.

An unnamed official said: “As is the case with most Government departments, we pride ourselves on alternating between catastrophic uselessness and acts of mean-spiritedness, especially acts of mean-spiritedness against people who are already enduring hardship and uncertainty.

“The Secretary of State himself believes firmly in leading from the front in this respect, and is his own fiercest critic. If I recall correctly, on the day the issue of the vitamins for children of people with non-settled immigration status arose, he felt his level of nastiness simply wasn’t up to snuff, so he saw this opportunity and - commendably - didn’t waste a moment.

“Of course, what with the things Dominic Cummings said about him, and the fact that of all the things ever said by Dominic Cummings, the things he said about Mr Hancock are the only ones vast swathes of the public deem believable, the Minister has now earned the right to rest on his laurels a little.

“His reputation is secure.”