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NHS reminds Brits not to shove random objects up their fannies just because Gwyneth told them to

Health

Jesus calls Christian group selfish tossers after lockdown-flouting mass gathering in pub car park

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Hancock explains covid contract secrecy necessary to give Tory business chums chance to prepare lies

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New 1970s-style covid public information films to scare shit out of people after appeal to decency and common sense fails

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OJ offended by Boris Johnson comparison, says he was accused of killing about 120,000 fewer people

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UK to bury head in sand for six more weeks before announcing vaccine passports, Govt confirms

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PM congratulates self after breweries forced to organise own piss-ups

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Public risk jail for lying about travel - politicians and Cummings not so much

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New South African Covid-19 variant furious after being mistaken for Australian

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Britain plunged into shock at footballers' rumoured lockdown-breaching haircuts

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Grim Reaper accuses the Tories of blatant conceptual rip-off

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Coronavirus praises arrogant, power-tripping West Midlands Police officer

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"Life is meaningless and I'm going to die alone," says lockdown-weary Brian The Happy Elf

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EU vaccine officials condemned for giving Farage opportunity to smirk

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Grieving loved ones of the 100,000 needlessly killed by covid say everything cool because PM sorry for their loss

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Toby Young outraged to be told he can't just make shit up

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