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Anti-vaxxers immune to covid as they're not bright enough to qualify as human

Health

Sheep consider calling daftest members of their flock covid deniers

Health

Generous club bouncers quite willing to give two jabs on the door to any troublesome anti-vaxxers

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Britain nervously eyes up its fluffiest pets as toilet roll panic-buyers hit the supermarket shelves again

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'Vaccine passports for clubbers is discrimination against us really really stupid people,' claims anti-vaxxers

Health

‘Virus McVirusface’ leading Government poll to name England's next super-variant

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'I was taking part in a new pilot scheme' set to become nation's favourite excuse

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Tories say sugar and salt tax would harm freedom of choice, donations from big companies

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Public plead with Goldman Sachs not to make bankers wear masks - or do anything else to avoid covid

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'It couldn't have happened to a nicer man,' says world as Bolsonaro hospitalised for having continuous hiccups

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New rules say public transport firms must make own mask decisions, keep blame away from waffling buffoon in Number 10

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Home Secretary Priti Patel diagnosed with rare case of late onset anti-racism

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Hindenburg hailed as safe aircraft by Dido Harding

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Public welcome vaccinations and ask ‘what’s one more little prick?’

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England suffers mysterious epidemic of not stepping on cracks, refusing to walk under ladders and avoiding black cats

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Woman who has grown addicted to secretly muttering ‘wanker’ under her breath at everyone really dreading lifting of face mask restrictions

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