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Features

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"I'm not a murderer," insists George Floyd murderer who was filmed murdering while people begged him not to murder

Features

Boris to despatch cow launchers as France threatens to taunt Jersey a second time

Features

Racists and festering lunatics thank Trump for making internet worthwhile again

Features

Diversity-friendly CIA recruitment ad criticised for failing to include murderous destabilisers of sovereign governments

Features

"Take that, Netflix and Prime," says BBC as Blankety Blank returns

Features

Practical joker buys Audi and doesn't drive it like a twat

Features

Scientist creates pound shop with single enormous aisle to see how long it takes to become blocked by gormless bastards

Features

British man showing off to mates wants strongest Indian covid variant available

Features

Minneapolis police learn first four-syllable word - 'consequences'

Features

Church of England faction to form breakaway Racist Bastard League

Features

Martians promise anal probes the size and shape of large pineapples for NASA drone operators

Features

'The Beautiful Game' to be downgraded to a 'Rotting Pile of Baboon's Bottoms' following Super League breakaway plans

Features

Chinese plot to silence Iain Duncan Smith by spreading rumour that Uighur minority are vulnerable benefit claimants

Features

Lockdown public information film rejected for not being patronising enough

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Excrement outraged at being compared to US police officers

Features

Broken fax machine meant US police department didn't get memo about not being murderous racists

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