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Latest Branson rocket terminates at Crewe, replaced by bus

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Man who believes everything is about him even believes this story is about him

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Flying Spaghetti Monster insists he should be on UK census 2021 as religion option following record year of pasta appreciation

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Rescue teams in race against time to find buried internet after Bernie Sanders memes avalanche

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Americans calling Lego 'Legos' just fucking insanity says rest of English speaking world

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Parents boast of success in lockdown home teaching after children give them cruel and offensive nicknames

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Surviving Nazis' residents' association denies Trump exile in Paraguay as he'd lower the tone

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Anti-vaxxer drowns after refusing lifeguard because he didn't like the look of him

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Zookeeper blames animals for carnage after unlocking cages for a laugh

Features

Statue of Liberty to be replaced by statue of 22-toed racist meth-head

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Probe into whether recklessness and being a great big steaming hypocrite are symptoms of working for Sky News

Features

Millions Disappointed to learn Elon Musk wasn’t on board latest Exploding Rocket

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Sir Philip Green orders Arcadia shops demolished and replaced by 100ft statues of him mooning passers-by

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"Worse than Hitler!" - Kids outraged as mum fobs them off with picture-only advent calendar

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Tea sales soar as Cummings gets job as bloke on coffee tin

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Tesco Extra in Swindon voted most popular global 2020 destination in UK Tourism Awards

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