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Features

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Suspected illegal document about stripping children turns out to be Met Police training manual

Features

'It's official, women are better than men,' says everyone

Features

Tyre Extinguishers' next target to be giant human airbag Nadine Dorries

Features

Walrus invites Eggman and Semolina Pilchard on Norway cruise

Features

Journalist Kate McCann tested for shite inhalation after fainting during Tory leadership debate

Features

Church led by Archbishop of Canterbury argues over whether magic wizard in sky thinks gay people are naughty

Features

Scottish cricket uniform to be replaced by white robes and pointy hoods

Features

That bloke being served ahead of you in the Post Office really is applying to be a sodding astronaut or something

Features

People who give toss about latest royal revelations to be tested for brain damage

Features

Audi unveils new model range including 'Twat', 'Wanker' and 'Arsehole'

Features

Official status of UK amended from 'For Fuck's Sake' to 'We're All Doomed'

Features

Supermarkets mysteriously full of smelly bastards in spite of stocking deodorant

Features

RAF Typhoon ejector seat fails

Features

Flummoxed man reduced to describing everything on social media and entire internet as a meme

Features

President of brutal backward theocracy prepares to meet Saudi leader

Features

BMW heated seat subscribers can now pay extra to be called stupid bloody mugs

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