Sign Up for our newsletter

Fears of even bigger North Korean rockets as Kim Jong-un commissions giant milk bottles and sticks

By Leppy Pardalis

Western military chiefs and politicians have voiced alarm at the latest developments in North Korea’s missile programme.

Dictator Kim Jong-un, basking in the success of a new missile capable of flying a bit further than the last one, has reportedly ordered the casting of several giant milk bottles at secret facilities in the countryside, along with the creation of big sticks by nailing tree trunks together.

In addition, the international intelligence community has detected evidence of Kim having secret agents approach various European fireworks manufacturers and purchase dozens of enormous sheets of blue touch paper.

One senior Western military figure said: “North Korea’s missile programme poses a grave threat not just to South Korea but also to the entire world. No, really.

“It is completely incorrect to suggest - as some cynics do - that no missile yet made by the country, if launched in anger, would fly more than a few miles before being shot down, or that Kim Jong-un would never dare use one in anger anyway, as he knows he and his entire country would be vaporised in retaliation within minutes.

“Nor are the cynics correct when they say Kim’s sabre-rattling is just his way of requesting another round of foreign aid for a population he can’t feed.

“Or that the whole charade is not only tolerated in the West but actively participated in, as it allows the entire military-industrial complex to carry on living high on the hog at public expense.”