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David Cameron mysteriously vanishes after forgetting sunscreen

By Leppy Pardalis

Former Prime Minister David Cameron is officially missing after allegedly “...fizzling away to nothingness.”

Mr Cameron, best known for Austerity, having one of those annoying shiny faces, flouncing off in a big strop when he didn’t get his way and allegedly indulging in some off-colour lobbying among his Tory chums, is understood to have been walking with a wealthy business associate in the bright sunshine of the latter’s enormous Home Counties garden when when the strange fate befell him.

The friend said: “It was as extraordinary as it was frightening. One moment he was there and the next he seemed to fizz a bit and become translucent.

“A fraction of a second later he was gone. There was nothing left of the ex-Prime Minister apart from his empty clothes and a few dental fillings, all in a heap where he’d been standing.

“The last thing I remember him saying, just before he started to vanish, was, ‘Damn, forgot the Factor 50.’”

Because of Mr Cameron’s status, his disappearance is being investigated by the National Crime Agency.

A spokesperson said: “We shall look at every aspect of this case and be completely open and honest about the proceedings.

“After all, as Mr Cameron himself famously said, sunlight is the best disinfectant.”