Sign Up for our newsletter

Bullshit singularity created as bullshitter accuses bullshitters of bullshitting

By Leppy Pardalis

The conventional laws of physics, biology and other aspects of reality are being consumed by an unprecedented expanding Bullshit Singularity.

Terrified witnesses are reporting that down is up, up is down and bullshit is materialising from nowhere and raining up, down, sideways and diagonally.

It began in London, where Dominic Cummings has been giving evidence to MPs probing the Government’s handling of the covid pandemic.

Former Prime Minister Mr Cummings tore into the performance of his hapless, bumbling, silver spoon-sucking twerp of a successor, Boris Johnson and a number of other senior figures associated with the crisis.

Leading physicist Professor Wendy Torrance, nursing a head injury after falling onto the ceiling of her Hammersmith laboratory along with tons of furniture and equipment, said Bullshit Singularities were theorised in an obscure paper written by Einstein, but nobody expected to witness one.

She added: “Einstein’s Bullshit Singularity, sometimes referred to as the Bollocks Paradox, comes about when a bullshitter spouts so much bullshit about the bullshitting of bullshitters that the sheer concentration of bullshit alters the nature of space and time.

“In addition up to being down and down being up, the list of other strange phenomena associated with the singularity seems to include shit not stinking. That’s just as well, given the circumstances, although maybe we’ve had so many years to get used to that particular odour that we don’t notice it anymore.” 

There are unconfirmed reports that the popularity of Mr Cummings with the public has suddenly soared. However, it is not known whether this is because of the singularity or because he stuck the knife right up Matt Hancock and gave it a good twist.