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BMW Drivers outraged at new 'Woke' Highway Code that forbids them from ploughing into pedestrians

By Norman Smee

Angry BMW drivers everywhere were up in arms once again last night after news emerged that they could no longer do whatever the fuck they like on Britain’s roads.

A revised Highway Code has been published which explicitly forbids wanker-drivers everywhere from mowing down pedestrians, cyclists, old ladies, prams, and anything else that gets in their way as they go about their far more important business.

“It’s a disgrace! An assault on my civil liberties,” said one driver, loudly, on his mobile phone whilst tearing through a school zone at 50mph.

“What did we even bother winning World War II for if I can’t spend my time zipping back and forth on the M1 undertaking lorries in their blind spot or driving dangerously close up people’s bottoms in what I insist on calling ‘the fast lane’ due to not understanding how motorways work? We might as well be in Stalin’s Russia,” added another.

The Department for Transport, who is in favour of the recent changes, was quick to point out that it has always been quite wrong to drive aggressively, or prioritise your own right of way over pedestrians, or drive too close to cyclists because you ‘don’t like them’, but nonetheless the Wanker Drivers of Britain club has put out the following statement:

“We encourage all our members to carry on like the rules don’t f*king apply to them. 

“Thankfully, as they’ve had decades of practise at this, this should come quite naturally. 

“Climate Change is a Hoax, In Clarkson we Trust, Amen.”