By Leppy Pardalis
US Navy seals last night rappelled from helicopters above a Swindon sheltered housing complex to retrieve the leader of the free world and return him to the G7 summit.
President Joe Biden had inadvertently been herded aboard a coach returning to the Wiltshire town after carers mistook him for a resident at the end of an old folks’ outing to Newquay.
The carers apologised for the mix-up, but pointed out that it had been a busy day and the President seemed to have a good time.
One member of staff said: “We didn’t realise anything was wrong until after we got back. One of our residents, Gertie, said she could see strange lights outside her bedroom window up on the second floor.
“At first we thought she was having one of her turns, but then we heard the helicopters and the sound of US Special Forces descending on cables to the roof. They seemed quite worried at first but calmed down a bit after they found the President in the lounge, where Wilf and Jim were teaching him the basics of cribbage.
“Then we all had a nice cup of tea and the Navy Seals put him on the helicopter.
“During the trip home from Cornwall on the coach, I remember hearing a man at the back speaking in an American accent, but I just assumed it was Reg doing his impressions of old film stars again.
“Still, all’s well that ends well, and Mr Biden seemed like a lovely, kind man. A bit forgetful, though - as he’s left a briefcase in one of the corridors. There’s some sort of electrical device in it with a key, some switches and five red lights in a row.
“One of our residents, Bert, who used to be an electrician, thinks it might be some sort of fancy two-way radio, and he’s been trying to get it to work so he can get in touch with the President and remind him to come and collect it.
“So far he’s managed to get four of the lights flashing but he says the last one’s a bit stubborn. He’s determined to get it going, though.”
President Biden said: “There’s a family sitting round the breakfast table in Council Bluffs, Iowa, eating Captain Crunch and Raisin Bran. Is this Swindon? Is Swindon in Iowa?”