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By Leppy Pardalis
There was consternation and confusion among banana lovers today after a large consignment of the fruit arrived in cocaine boxes.
The mix-up is being investigated by the National Crime Agency, which is also probing the discovery of £184m-worth of cocaine in boxes marked ‘bananas’ at a Tottenham industrial estate.
Officials have traced both sets of boxes, although not their contents, to a Lewisham firm, Bob’s Discount Boxes Ltd. Owner Mr Bob Daley apologised.
“It’s all the fault of my nephew, Dennis,” he explained. “He’s not the brightest lad but I took him on for work experience as a favour to my sister. Anyway, it seems the silly little sod sent the boxes intended for the British Banana Wholesaling Board to another of our customers, the Pride of Colombia Primo Cocaine Emporium, and vice-versa.”
A spokesperson for the British Banana Wholesaling Board said: “We realise that everybody makes mistakes, but this one had our clients - greengrocers and banana fans throughout Britain - very worried. We had to explain to them that the boxes contained their usual orders of lovely, tasty bananas rather than packages of a highly illicit substance.
“Who wants cocaine anyway, when you can have a nice banana? When you have a banana, you can be certain it hasn’t been produced by terrified peasants at gunpoint and that it hasn’t crossed an ocean up somebody’s bottom - well, not unless somebody really, really wanted to cross an ocean with a banana up their bottom, in which case fair play to them.”
In other news, banks and credit card companies are reporting great demand for new cards from celebrities and middle class people who regularly host dinner parties for fellow middle class people, all of whose old cards seem to have been badly damaged when used to chop some sort of fruit.