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Anti-vaxxers to be renamed coronalovers as they never want to see it go away

By Dawn Ob

Anti-vaxxers have officially been renamed coronalovers after it’s been revealed they love the virus oh so so much.

“We just can’t imagine life or death without it,” said Jim Deludid, 43, an anti-vaxxer from Warrington.

“There’s nothing like the sweet caress of coronavirus as it lovingly takes your breath away and leaves you feverish. I’ve known quite a few of my anti-vax colleagues who love it so much they’ve even been hospitalised or made the ultimate sacrifice with their own lives just because they can’t get enough of it.

“My love affair with coronavirus started so sweetly as well. It was like a meet-cute event, the kind you get in those romantic films. There was me, innocently gathering at a lockdown protest with thousands of others when it hit me hard. Those germs couldn’t get enough of me and we had a lovely hot, sweaty fortnight together.

“There were times I thought I would die. But it would have been so worth it as my entire body was wracked with pain and I could hardly breathe.

“We never want it to go away. We want it to hang around and occasionally infect us for years to come.

“And that is why we’re so against these vacinnes that would stifle our coronavirus lover and make it harder and harder for it to flourish.

“Virus’s have rights too. Who are we to not let it spread and potentially kill our elderly and more vulnerable family members?

“But now other European countries are introducing vaccine mandates forcing us all to protect us all against it and thus killing it off. 

“But us anti-vaxxers will not be protected. We like disease. We revel in it. And we can’t wait for the day that coronavirus once again has its paws on us and we can writhe together under our sweat-drenched sheets.”