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Anti-vaxxers immune to covid as they're not bright enough to qualify as human

By Leppy Pardalis

Anti-vaxxers have been found to be almost without exception immune to covid.

The scientific revelation is not only the most remarkable of the pandemic but also raises questions about disease, immunity and the very nature of what it is to be human.

Pioneering research by Professor Albert D’Oc at the University of Liverpool’s Institute of Abstract Thickology has revealed that all anti-vaxxers, barring a few rather peculiar folk who just say they’re anti-vaxxers to get a reaction out of people, are so hopelessly dim that they are not genetically human and are therefore not subject to the same diseases as humans.

“It’s quite astonishing,” said Prof D’Oc. “These people are, in fact, not strictly people at all.

“Chromosomal, DNA and molecular analysis suggests they are more akin to a variety of other things, not all of them life forms. The more intelligent among the anti-vaxxers, for example, share more genetic material with mosses, liverworts and lichens than they do with human beings.

“The slightly less intelligent among them are more on a par with unicellular organisms, while the least intelligent have more in common with pebbles than anything else.

“Such people are often compared to pigshit, but our research shows that this comparison is spurious.

“After all, pigshit can make a garden grow, so it is useful.”